Intelligent design.

So, last week I'm sitting on the back porch of a very nice house in Escazu, waiting for my kid while she took a half-day art camp upstairs with a dozen or so other children.  I'd been reading David Sedaris' When You Are Engulfed in Flames and laughing out loud, occasionally getting stared at by the house-keeper.  It was a really pretty day, the kind that reminds me why I love living here.  It was cool and sunny and there was a breeze and across the valley I could see low-hanging black clouds that assured me I'd been right to bring our rain jackets.  As I was enjoying the view between chapters, I looked across the porch and saw four little pre-Colombian looking clay figures on the wall.  Two were larger than the other two.  I looked closer and noticed that one of each size was obviously male and the other two were, I guess, female.  For some reason I was really struck by what a small, simple difference the addition of external genitalia made.  And then the thought hit me.  What would I do if I had a penis?  I mean, like, if I just woke up from an afternoon nap and, BAM!, there it was, hanging off me - what would I want do first?  That answer came instantly.  I'd want to stick it somewhere.  Immediately.  Over and over and on and on.  No, wait, that's not what I'd do FIRST.  What I'd do first is try to see if I could, ya know, get it in my mouth.  That's when I realized that if men could actually do that, if they could actually service themselves without ever involving anyone else, well, we would never have left caves.  Hell, the species would have died out.  Maybe that's why we have a spinal column?  Or maybe that's why we have enough vertebrae to keep us from too much self-service?  Oh, crap.  Could that possibly mean that there is 'intelligent design'?  Could my atheism be a mistake?  Could there be some controlling power in the universe?  But then, I remembered that men, just like the little 'male' terra cotta guys on the wall, have nipples and until someone can give me a satisfactory explanation for those, I'm sticking to evolution.  Heck, for all we know, there were earlier versions of humans with no skeleton and that's why there's no record.  They just died out because they actually could reach their penis with their lips and never managed to reproduce.